ease my troubles, that's what you do.

writing this post makes me feel like i am being reacquainted with an old friend. i have not purposefully been ignoring the blog as of late, although it may appear that way; i have just been at a lost of what to write. there is just too much.

our initially plan in the making of this blog was to create an outlet for our funny stories/embarrassing moments. we figured that everyone might as well get a good laugh out of our lives... cause we sure do. and yes, the blog has in some ways served that very purpose. however, it has also been a place for us to release emotions and attempt to capture the feelings that we hope to remember months even years down the road. we are storing our college experience on this here website. oh technology!

over the course of these past few weeks, there have been many nights that i have opened up the trusty ole blog in hopes of putting my feelings into words. sadly, i have been most unsuccessful. there has been too much swimming around in my head, and i have been unable to organize it all. i think, though, that i am slowly becoming far enough removed from some situations that i can wrap my head around them a little more. 

moving home from tuscaloosa after freshman year ending was one of the weirdest experiences. my last blog post was written on my last night in ttown. although, i knew it was my last night, there was simply no way to prepare for what was to come the following day. i've told katie k this numerous times, but for me, things in high school moved at a snails pace. i lived my life always waiting for the next big thing: christmas, birthdays, summer, senior year, graduation, etc. i was never fully happy with where i was, and it was not that i was ok with that; it was just the way it was. i used to get mad at myself all the time for "wishing away high school." i had a couple of hard things happen to me during my junior year, and from that point on, i was just done. i had a hard time truly enjoying the rest of my days as a high schooler because mentally i had already moved on. 

i hated that position that i had found myself in and made a point for college not to be a repeat of the past. this year at alabama was so vastly different from anything i experienced in high school. something new and exciting was always going on, so there was no reason to be living for the next break or holiday. i felt like christmas snuck up on me. all of the sudden, fall semester was over, and it was onto spring semester. spring break came and went in a flash, and now summer is upon us. not once did i stop and wish it were not the day that it was. ok, that might be a lie, but hopefully you are catching my drift...

while i was overwhelmingly thankful that i had such an amazing time this past year, it posed a very interesting situation on may 6th. may 5th was just like any other day. i took an exam, got a good nap in, and camped out in a variety of libraries that night to study. may 6th even started out fairly normal. i took my last exam, ran some errands, and ending crashing in my bed. may 6th did not end like a normal day though. over the course of about 4 hours, my warm and cozy dorm room that housed every memory from the past two semesters was packed into boxes and loaded up in a sequoia and an xterra. there was absolutely nothing fun or poetic about it. i turned my room keys over to r.a. david and was schlotzsky's bound to grab dinner with mom and dad. everything was happening incredibly fast; nothing was processing. all i knew was that i had been on the verge of tears for hours at this point, and it wasn't going to be held back much longer. 

my drive home was one filled with dave matthews, many tears, and some pretty unforgivable driving. as i was driving that hour alone with my parents in the car behind me, i was hauntingly reminded of a similar day a mere nine months before. a few factors were different: the type of vehicle, the time of day, and the direction we were driving. but the big things were the same: a big life change was happening accompanied by a lot of tears. as i drove to tuscaloosa back in august, i was one scared high school graduate. i had no idea what i was getting into and would have given anything to turn my little car around and get the heck back to birmingham. obviously, i did not get my way. i moved into riverside that day. now a year of college later, i had shed the old riverside suite and was, much to my dismay, headed in the direction of birmingham. and as i drove, i came to the realization that yes i was sad this chapter of my life was over. i will never be a freshman again, but because of how much i have loved my life these past months, it must mean that the tears i was crying were tears of joy! 

the lord answered my prayers. i was allowed to cry, but i could be nothing but thankful. 

so this blog post turned into a short novel. if you have made it to this point, i applaud you! i have all the sudden become very self-conscious of  what i just wrote because i doubt many if any of you had similar experiences. you are all probably thinking that i will be back in the fall, so i should just get over myself. and yes, you are probably right. however, i embrace the emotion that i show these days as much as possible because i have not always been an emotional gal. there was a time in my life that i was physically incapable of tears. since i overcame that, i have become immensely grateful for those little drops of water streaming down my face. they are few and far between, so consider yourself lucky if you ever get to witness them!

i am going to close with that rather odd thought. i promise to follow this blog post up with some very "fluffy" ones. i owe it to the blog. i've got plenty of good stories racking up. just you wait...

excited that the bachelorette premiers tomorrow night, 

b

p.s. the blog will never die. don't listen to the blasphemous words of my roommate.